The more I thought and prayed however, I felt compelled to write about this subject on the anniversary of Roe vs. Wade. I share this with the hope of helping someone else avoid the same terrible decision I made many years ago. I want to be a voice of truth and honesty to a society that it is, in my opinion, very deceived about this issue.
To begin with, I haven’t always felt the way I do know about abortion. I was probably like the majority of teenagers growing up in the 1980′s. I had no religious upbringing. We didn’t go to church and we didn’t discuss God or religious topics in our home. This didn’t bother me or concern me. And I liked it that way.
My parents divorced when I was 16. This simply allowed for me to get more involved in the party scene that I was already a part of in high school. I really had no regrets and felt no remorse for any of the really stupid things I was doing as a teenager. I was having fun and enjoying life. It was during this time I began to date a girl.
On a life changing day when I was 18, she called me and told me she was pregnant. I was the father. I was shocked and numb. I wasn’t ready to be a father. I didn’t even have a job. After discussing it we decided to have an abortion. At that time I didn’t see anything wrong with abortion. After all it was legal and it was just a medical procedure like any other I thought. I assumed it was kind of like having your appendix removed. That is what society had taught me.
I had to borrow the money from a friend to pay for the abortion which I believe was a couple of hundred dollars at that time. I took her to the abortion clinic and waited in the waiting room until the “procedure” was finished. After the doctor aborted the baby, I drove her back home. We did all of this without either of our parents awareness.
What I remember so vividly about that day was sitting in the waiting room for what seemed like hours. For the first time in my life I really began to experience remorse and sorrow for what we were doing. I started to wonder if this was more than just a medical procedure. Could it be that we were taking the life of another human being?
After taking her home, remorse flooded my emotions. I began to ask myself, “What have you done?” Something clicked inside of me. I realized that I had just taken part in terminating the life of my first child. I had been naive walking into that clinic. I really didn’t realize the implications of what an abortion was and what it really involved.
People don’t want to talk about the after effects of abortion on the mother and father. Mental health disorders can be triggered by abortion. Suicidal thoughts and feelings can arise. The woman may isolate herself and experience insomnia and depression. The reason is because abortion is a moral issue not a medical issue like I had thought. The truth is abortion is taking another human beings life. An innocent life. And this is most often done, as was in my case, because of unpreparedness and because of the inconvenience it would bring to our lives.
The grief and remorse I was experiencing turned into a life changing experience. I became aware in a deep and powerful way for the first time in my life that I needed forgiveness. I needed relief from the grief I was experiencing. The emotional weight of my sin was almost unbearable. At this time God began to open the eyes of my heart. He let me know that there was a Rescuer for my situation.
On a late night sitting with a friend in a car, I prayed to God. I told him I had made a mess of my life. I ask him to take control. I asked him to take over and make something out of my life. I gave my life to him that night. I asked for forgiveness.
Not much longer after that I made a public profession in a church service to receive Jesus Christ as my Savior and Lord. This verse from 2 Corinthians 7:10 I believe explains what happened in my life, “”For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.” I resolved to reverse my conduct and live for God from that moment on.
The rest for me is history. I believe Jesus has completely and totally forgiven me for all the sins I have committed, and still will commit. God radically changed my life from that moment. In fact, at my 20 year high school reunion I received the award for “most unlike I was in high school”. This was a reminder to me how much God had changed my life.
That is how abortion changed my life.
I have now been married for 16 years to a beautiful woman. God has chosen to bless us with two beautiful daughters as well. I know my wife had to wrestle with my past before she decided to marry me. She told me however that she knew I was a new creation in Christ and that she saw me as a new creation just as God did. Since that time, God also called me to be a pastor. I have been pastoring now for 6 years by his grace.
If you have had an abortion, there is forgiveness and grace found in Jesus. How? Read this.
Also, here is a link for a good book for women to help find spiritual and emotional peace after an abortion.